The Untwisted Truth

I understand that life goes farther than
and wider than we will it to go. Sometimes we tug at the cloak of time to slow it down. It swishes on gently as if not bothered by our pleas and screams. I haven’t written in five months or so and as soon as I saw the blank page, my heart poured out into words I haven’t planned beforehand so please forgive me if my words are jumpy or clumped.

I have been on a journey so far.

A journey with my Father.

I recently found myself hungrier for him than I have ever been and I mean ravaging hunger, my bowels churning for a blooming relationship with him. I found out something so deep and special that every time I think about it it it brings about the glowing spectrum of a revival of love and understanding of who my father is.

My father is in love.

I cannot fathom such an amazing, glorious deity that sits on his throne thinking about me (& you) all day, every second. I have been in relationships before, but not as magnetic and everlasting as this. He is thinking of me right now and my heart shivers at the thought.

I sometimes stare at my reflection in the mirror and gaze at a mixture of dirt, imperfections, mistakes, sin and impurity but a friend (a sister rather) told me that Father doesn’t look at my imperfections, he only sees His righteousness in Christ.

Two exes ago, I was searching for a female to satisfy my urges and feelings. I found one at pecked at her mind like a woodpecker (no pun intended) slowly digging into her mind and emotions with my sweet words. My finger pressed on buttons that sent lies to her. I deceived her and when I was done with her I threw her away for another female.
There is a lesson in this flashback, when you don’t have God all you have is the world. The world will appear to please you at first, you will ravage for it and hunger for it and it will throw you a dry bone still covered in meaty fungi and after you have licked the bone and picked at every marrow. You will gaze at the world, your newfound master and it will laugh; laugh at you like a white man would laugh at the slaves as they fight for the leftover bread he threw down the front porch. Then it would throw you another bone and another till fade.

The world doesn’t satisfy eternally.
Its temporary satisfaction will only lead to permanent & eternal regret.

I’m never one to simmer down the pure gospel for anyone.
I will not make the gospel sound sweet just so you can bite it and then months into it you will leave it because the world threw you a sweeter bone.
I will not stand up to you and tell you that life as a Christian would be all smiles and smiles.
I will not hide the nights with you on your knees in sweat and tears fighting for your faith.
Holding on to the rope which is Christ and pleading your case boldly before the throne of grace.
I will not hide the devil’s constant nonstop arrows flying towards you in the form of obstructions, lack, oppression and whatsoever he wills.

I will not hide the pain of lost friends because of what you believe in (Jesus).

But I also will not hide the glory behind it all.
I would not hide the joy from revelation and heavenly visitations.
I would not hide the joy from victories won in Christ Jesus.
I would not hide the devils plan guaranteed to be always thwarted if you hold on to your faith.
I would not hide the daily testimonies on testimonies on testimonies.
I would not hide the beauty of assurance of a glorious future.
I would not hide the Rock where you can share all your troubles and they transform into stories that will win others into this glorious path of unending joy.

I love you so much that I will not lie to you.

You were made for this.

God bless you.

Josh Wesey.

This post was written by an amazing brother (in Christ) of mine. An artist in a deep relationship with Our Father. Feel free to follow him on twitter or Instagram, @JoshWesey.

Dear God (CG)

Dear God,
Errm I’ve finally gotten an opportunity  to talk to you, it’s quiet serene here. I know you love me so much and then you have a lot of perfect plan for me but the thing is that I just can’t fathom what’s going on and what’s wrong with me… I’m struggling with a lot of things right now to be honest and I know you are aware of that.
The more I think I’m getting closer to you it seems like I’m taking more steps backwards; it’s just like a step forward and then five steps backward.
I feel like I’m going to give up soon, like I have gotten to my breaking point.
Everybody thinks I’m fine but deep down here in my heart am beginning to question my faith – I know You exist and You’ve performed a lot of miracles through me (then) but I still don’t understand why am in so much doubt right now;
I find myself asking questions like “Do you actually love me?!” For crying out loud, you do but what then is going wrong? Why is my faith wavering??.
Yes I’m a sinner but I need Your help too- I really need to overcome all these worldy, carnal stuffs I really need to. I’m so scared that I may not be ready when You come and that’s something I never hope would ever happen to me, never!!
Please take my hands Lord I’m ready, I’m ready to start a new leaf, I’m ready to start afresh from the bottom.I just hope it’s not too late.
I love you so much because even through my inconsistencies you’ve still been merciful to me.. I love you. Help me to love you more cos I know there is still room for that. Btw Dad I’m so happy to see all my friends experiencing the joy that comes with getting closer to You and knowing You more.
Please if there’s anything I’m going to ask for, it’s that you sustain them in the faith so they can run this Christian race to the very end.
I’m going to stop here for now…waiting for your reply💕

Yours,
CG.

Dear God (Anaecheri)

Dead God,
Oh God… I’ve been struggling. I’ve been struggling to be consistent and holy since I realized the need to be consistent and holy. I find myself giving up at the slightest provocation and still wanting to fit in and not cause a fuss even though I’m literally not built to fit in. Always been a misfit; always will be a misfit, so why do I feel the need to blend in when it’s just not in me?

I get jealous of people who are blatantly unashamed of God; who say controversial crap. Sometimes I get annoyed. And I’m still trying to figure out why up till now, because I admire their cause… Maybe it’s their approach. Maybe it’s me. Maybe it’s both or something else entirely. But I still want to commend them. It’s not easy at all!

Anyhow, you’ve been so gracious. Can’t rant without mentioning that. You’ve been so so kind as well. I don’t deserve your loving kindness and I don’t thank you for it as much as I should. So sorry about that. That also needs to change.

So I discovered that I have discipline issues. Although it’s sad, it’s something that we can overcome together. Or more like you can overcome with my permission.

Just going to sign off before people get bored. Chukwu g’ozie yi…

Lol.

Love,
Anaecheri

Dear God (Nkasi)

Dear Daddy, 
I love helping people. I love to be a friend, a comforter, a pillar, a shoulder, an encourager for whoever needs it.
I love it when people let me in. When they allow me see their struggles. I love to carry people’s wahalas on my head. Pray with them, and offer little pieces of advice.
I love to mentor people. I love to teach, and to see growth.

The only thing is, in doing all of this I forget I need help myself.
I’m so busy trying to be a shoulder and pillar to other people, I’ve forgotten how to let people be pillars for me.
I’ve built so many walls around me, I don’t know how to let them down. I don’t know how to share my struggles with people. Because I struggle too. I get weak, tired.

Yet. The people who need encouraging remain. The people who need my shoulder to lean on are still there.
And so I brush whatever I’m feeling away. I discard the thoughts that I’m even more discouraged than these people, and I offer what little I have. Sometimes, it makes me feel better.

But I want a friend. I want to let someone all the way in. I want someone to see me, all of me. Not just the good parts, the parts where I’m a victor, a conqueror and an overcomer; but the parts where I suffer too. The parts where I struggle too.
The times I wake up with this horrible ache in my chest because I’ve been worrying so much.
The times I can’t even bear to open my Bible, or to pray, yet I’m sending out scriptures for others to read.
The times I’m typing words of encouragement to people, yet I’m not sure I believe it myself.

You’re doing something. I’m not sure what, but my spirit says you are. You’re grooming me. I will have faith in that. I will depend on you, because truly I realise I have no power of my own.

I will rejoice in Your word. I will rejoice in the words of 2 Corinthians 12:9.

But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.
For when I am weak, then I am strong.

When I am weak, then I am strong. ❤

I love you, Daddy.
Nkasi.

Dear God (Eche)

Dear God,
My King, my Friend. I’ve been so lost these days. I’m back home from school and it’s like your so far away in school where I left fellowship, serving mass and SU fellowship. I need your grace to feel Your presence here at home. To show my friends how much I fell in love with you in the past months. How strong I stood by you. I found happiness unending, I felt peace, but right now, I don’t feel so strong. I find it hard to pray and I honestly don’t feel that essence anymore. You know there’s just this disconnect, this void when I pray. Emptiness. I rebuke this work of the devil, amen. More so, my sister has a serious temper and her communication skills are awful (or could it be mine?) And shes so controlling.
You know my every intentions are for the best, teach me to handle her and her excesses. Again I need you.
Also, my mum’s away for business again, Faddy I need your hand of protection around her because she showed me your love and I want you to open doors for her. My brother seems to be okay, I thank you for his life. Keep him from bad friends too (he loses it sometimes). 
There’s so much I can say but I’m worried I’ll take up so much space. Nevertheless, (I’ll go on still) I pray my siblings would be as good and even better than I am so I wouldn’t be that guy that ‘knows it all’ or feels too proud when ever I say something.
I feel the gift of wisdom you gave me is now used against me by my siblings because of my good grades. Make them better for me Lord so we can all share in your magnanimous grace of heavenly wisdom and understanding. 
Lastly, I thank your for this blog. For Somtos life because I can see your glory in her and it gives me the courage to identify with you. I know I am better than I was when I could not recognise your great presence. 

Yours ever 
Eche.

Dear God (Oluseyi)

Dear God, 

I am in need of direction.  I am not sure if I have lost my way but I feel if I haven’t then I am certainly close to losing it. 
Please guide me.
I am also worried about a lot of things. My heart is heavy. The load of family issues,  school issues and life issues in general is stressing my heart muscles.
I am tired of acting like I am happy and everything is well. I want to genuinely smile because everything is indeed okay.
Thank you for all you have done, all You are doing and all that You are yet to do.

Seyi.

Dear God (Nini)

Dear God,
FAT
I don’t know when FAT started to mean the same thing as ugly. I don’t know when it started to mean disgusting. I don’t know.
Am I really that horrible in people’s eyes? but You say I am beautiful. You love every part of me even the whiskers on my face and the fat lumps on my back. You say my body is your creation. I am a piece of Your art.
So why am I so FAT?
I think I’m beautiful too. I just don’t understand why your other creations don’t think the way You do.

Yours forever,
Nini.

Nini, email me. Somto@somtoudeke.com, somtoudeke@gmail.com. I would love to speak to you❤️

Dear God (Nihinola)

Dear God,

Well Daddy, is it okay if I call you that? I just want to say thank you. Anytime i say thank you, tears well up in my eyes! Why? Simply because You keep doing marvellous things in my life. I look back and wonder why am I soo soo blessed? Definitely not by my power or might, But by your Grace Daddy , I’m thankful

Woooow! Thank you for 2015, yet another Year. Thank you for emotions. The tingling sensation I feel when I try to imagine what you’ve planned for me. Do i even have the brain capacity to imagine it?

Wonderful Daddy, I can only pray your will be done on Heaven and on earth. I commit myself unto thee. Help Help Help me to stand firm in Christ. Please please please Do not leave or forsake me. Thank you again Daddy Lord.

Your daughter,
Nihinola

To find out more about the Dear God series, please click here

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Stay blessed! ❤️

The Apology You Will Never Get

by Doyin Adeyemi

Mr Nkama Okafor: Now it is time for the second poetry recital by one of our top students – Kelechi Achebe. She will be reciting a free verse poem that is titled “The apology you will never get.”

*As Kelechi makes her way to the front of the hall, several students turn to look at each other and whisper within themselves. They are surprised because Kelechi is known as a shy girl, one who seems to lack confidence to speak in front of a lot of people.*

Kelechi: *shaking nervously she begins to speak.*

Why are you pushing me down?
I’m trying to get up
Up up there, I’m trying to go higher

Why are you pushing me down?
I need to be up there
There’s this thing I need from up there

*someone in the crowd laughs. In the quiet room, it is easy to pinpoint the person out. Kelechi glances quickly at Adesua and continues to read*

Why are you pushing me down?
I have been searching and now I have found
I know I need to be up there

*she hesitates to keep going, but she hears a voice in her head tell her she can do it, so she increases her voice*

Down here I am apologizing
And it is continuous
The continuity is weighing me down
I can not continue to apologize
Why are you weighing me down?
I desperately need to be up there

*the room goes silent*

You want me to apologize one last time?

Okay. I apologize.

I’m sorry that I have become this person
This person that is dissatisfied with just anything
This person that is willing to say no to what she feels is wrong
This person that does not have to practice a smile in the mirror anymore
This person that loves herself
This person that loves what’s inside of her

I’m sorry,
I’m sorry I make you uncomfortable
I’m sorry you feel guilt around me
I’m sorry you feel shame

This girl knows what it’s like
To feel guilt and shame
And what it’s like to not
And she’ll pick to not feel it every single time ——
She has a choice

You’re not willing to let go and I am
I am moving upward
Why are you pushing me down?

Why are you pushing me down?
I have had a peek of this love that is up there
This love that erases guilt, that erases shame
This love that erases past mistakes
This love that brings out continuous growth and not continuous apology

I need it all But — it is not down here

This love is what separates down here from up there I need to be up there

This apologizing needs to go
So I will apologize no more
I am not who you want me to be
I am who I am – a product of THE I AM THAT I AM
And I am not sorry

I need this love

*she pauses, when she starts again – her tone is calm*

It’s a different story if I just want it
But you see
This love – the love of God – demands to be felt – I need it

This love molds and remakes
And in the process erases unnecessary baggage
So don’t weigh me down
Down here is dark and ugly
And it’s been comfortable because I have known nothing better
But now I know, and it’s never too late to know
So I know and I will go
I will keep going, I will keep climbing, I will keep feeling- this love- that’s all consuming. I will yield to its demand.

I will yield to it, oh yes I will,
And I am absolutely not sorry.
This is the apology you will never get.

*she leaves the hall without looking at anyone’s face. she is out now and she is smiling and she is laughing and she is crying at the same time. she is free.*

You can visit Doyin’s blog here
You can reach her on Twitter @Doyiinn

Dear God (Bethany)

Dear God,
I’m writing another letter , haha. I’m writing to tell you how grateful I am for this past year . Lord thank you for today , the last day in 2014 . In January , you appointed Angel Grace , Angel Love and Angel Blessing to me . Grace was everywhere with me . Love – Well Love was a bit scarce but I’m grateful for her . And Blessing – Blessing kept surprising me everywhere I went . I’m thanking you in advance for the new set of Angels you’re appointing to me in 2015.
This year , Grandpa relocated to Heaven . Please tell him how much I miss him . I had my Sixteenth this year . I got into the University . My hearing was perfected . I want to go on but I cannot .
Also , this past summer , Angel Grace led me to meet the most wonderful set of young Christians .(The Lighters) . She told me you had it all planned and asked her to suprise me . My new family . Father I cannot write everything down , but believe me when I say – I am Thankful .
Oh and lest I forget , thank you for our Charity . Everyone that came & those that didn’t . Everyone that gave & those that didn’t, Bless them Dad.

Your daughter,
Bethany.