Oh God… I’ve been struggling. I’ve been struggling to be consistent and holy since I realized the need to be consistent and holy. I find myself giving up at the slightest provocation and still wanting to fit in and not cause a fuss even though I’m literally not built to fit in. Always been a misfit; always will be a misfit, so why do I feel the need to blend in when it’s just not in me?
I get jealous of people who are blatantly unashamed of God; who say controversial crap. Sometimes I get annoyed. And I’m still trying to figure out why up till now, because I admire their cause… Maybe it’s their approach. Maybe it’s me. Maybe it’s both or something else entirely. But I still want to commend them. It’s not easy at all!
Anyhow, you’ve been so gracious. Can’t rant without mentioning that. You’ve been so so kind as well. I don’t deserve your loving kindness and I don’t thank you for it as much as I should. So sorry about that. That also needs to change.
So I discovered that I have discipline issues. Although it’s sad, it’s something that we can overcome together. Or more like you can overcome with my permission.
Just going to sign off before people get bored. Chukwu g’ozie yi…